dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I love having hate sex.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
