I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He felt like a one man threesome
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
