the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
