We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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