sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
