my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
