if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
