I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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