should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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