we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
