I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
