I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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