I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
