Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
false alarm. still invincible.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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