i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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