3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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