Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
