i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I had to cum in my sink.
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