Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
