you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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