i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
