I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
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The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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