i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
