quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
