Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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