I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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