Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
