addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
