omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
