Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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