I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
