She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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