I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
