I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
