Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
