it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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