i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dick very happy bro
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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