I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
