I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
