I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
