so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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