I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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