he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm too high and old for this...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
