Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
