i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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