Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
