I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
