okay pat passed out under dana's car
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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