I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
