I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
