Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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