How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
