I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
