Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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