I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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