well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
