it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
foreskin is a definite game changer
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
