gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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