im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
