Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
