last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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