I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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