I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Let's paint friendship bongs
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
