Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
