I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
