I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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