Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
two words: eviction party
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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