They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
