You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
